There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
