Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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