That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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