Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
