my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
