The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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