So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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