I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize