We need to rekindle our bromance
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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