My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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