btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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