my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Randomize
