I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
