Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We are two peas in an std pod
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
