put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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