you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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