And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
