I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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