dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
