Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You've changed since you got that strap on
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
