There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
