Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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