They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize