hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
