hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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