moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize