If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
