I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
