lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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