I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
