..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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