I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
