apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
