Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
