We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Houston, we have a squirter
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
