I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
