I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You had me at "let me see your balls"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
