Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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