also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Randomize
