ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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