His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
barbara walters just said penis...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
