I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
