i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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