I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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