Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
