i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
