sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
