I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
