i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
