My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
