Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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