i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize