My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Randomize
