im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize