New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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