it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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