am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
