you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
