is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize