Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
