New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
