I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
