What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
