Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
