If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
